Desired Page 19

  Tears welled in her eyes, but she fought them. “You’re not trying to make me cry, are you?”

  “No, just voicing what I think.” He shook his head, stroking her cheek. “And those tears in your eyes tell me that you needed to hear it.”

  She snuggled into him and he wrapped his arms around her. There, she felt so safe. So understood. So accepted. Why had she been fighting this with him? He’d proven, time and time again, that he simply wanted to care for her.

  All of her.

  Part of her regretted the distance she’d kept. The other part was so damn tired about feeling bad about things. He wanted her with him. She wanted to stay. Knowing he craved closeness and wanting that, too, she asked, “Want to hear my most embarrassing moment?”

  He tucked her finger under her chin. His gaze became focused. “Please share.”

  While Rory was all types of embarrassing and painful, she didn’t want to go there. She wanted to stay in this happy present, not return to a painful past. But she owed Kyler truths.

  A lot of them.

  She stared out to the submissive getting flogged whose head was tossed back as moans of ecstasy poured from her mouth. “The very worst painful memory is actually one of my most embarrassing ones, too.”

  He stayed silent.

  She moved off him and leaned her head against the couch, wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulder. “When I was told my parents had died in the plane accident, the police thought it’d be a good idea to tell me when I was at school. Which, I’m sure you can imagine, it wasn’t.” Slight coldness shivered through her as she went on. “I ran out of the office and the bell had just rung, so the hallways where packed with students. Halfway down the hallway, reality set in, and before I knew it, I had dropped to my knees and threw up all over the floor.”

  Kyler frowned. “I’d hardly call that embarrassing, more so an understandable reaction.”

  “Tell that to a little girl,” she retorted. “I never wanted to go back to school. And luckily for me, my grandparents lived in another state, so I didn’t have to.”

  He brushed his fingers down her arm over the top of the blanket, regarding her with a long look. “You never went back there? Never faced any of those kids again?”

  “Nope.” Hell to the no. “No way could I face that humiliation. Being known as the girl who barfed in the hallway.”

  “People are more understanding than you think. When I had that incident at school, sure, I got razzed a bit, but for the most part it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would’ve been. Kids moved on to someone else who did something stupid and joked about that.”

  She snorted. “I’d rather just push the memory far from my mind and not remember it.”

  “Ah, but Ella,” he said slowly, with a knowing twinkle in his eye, “stuff like that always has a way of coming back to us. You can’t run from those experiences. They are what define you.”

  “Me, puking on the floor defines me?” she scoffed.

  “You picking yourself up off the ground and moving forward is what defines you. Being sick just means you loved deeply, and there is nothing wrong with that.”

  There is that.

  Funny how she’d never looked it at that way, but with her life full of hard times, if she could avoid any more, she would. That simple.

  He stayed silent, clearly content with what she shared, so she turned to a paddling scene in her line of vision. The Dom had a woman locked into the stocks and smacked her bottom with a black paddle, turning her skin a bright shade of red. Not that Ella would complain about her scene with Kyler, it was incredible, but it also wasn’t what she’d seen anyone else in Club Sin do.

  Treated differently …

  Nah, I don’t want that.

  Turning to Kyler, she asked, “Why won’t you do that to me?”

  His gaze drifted to the scene before returning to her. Hardness creased the corners of his eyes. “You’re not ready, Ella.”

  She understood, of course she did. Now it all made sense, really. He hadn’t smacked her ass or done anything he’d done the first night they’d been together. She was the broken woman. He was the man fighting his desires to use pain with pleasure. Well, she would stop that sort of thought in its tracks. “It’s not on my hard limits. So, why are you waiting?”

  He frowned. “I’ve told you why.”

  Frustrated, she watched him while his narrowed eyes stared back at her. Kyler had been determined to see all of her, but she was determined to know the real him, too. The man not concerned with touching her too roughly.

  What happened with Rory happened, but she wanted—no, craved—those delicious smacks on her ass. The firmness in his touches. The unleashed passion on her body. “I have no say in this?”

  “None.” Then he looked to her arm and brushed his fingers across her wrist. “Your tattoo is pretty. What does it mean to you?”

  She allowed the change in subject, since she wasn’t getting anywhere. Soon, she’d have to get this problem solved. Though she realized in Club Sin that would never happen. His say. His choice. All on his terms. Out of the dungeon was another story entirely, and a woman always had her ways to get what she wanted. “How do you know my tattoo means something—it could just be a flower?”

  He smiled, and all traces of tension erased from his features. “I haven’t met anyone who has a tat without it being symbolic.”

  Like your dragon tattoo.

  “It’s a lotus flower,” she replied with her heart clenching. “There are actually only four vines that all link together, which represent my family. But it just looks like more because of how the artist designed it.”

  Raising his brows, Kyler traced over the vines and then moved to the black-and-gray lotus flower on her inner wrist. “It’s beautiful, and I think it’s perfect.” His gaze lifted and his smile warmed. “Been through the mud—so to speak—and blooming into a beautiful life out of the dark.”

  How did he get her so well, as if his mind were linked to hers? As if he knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. She swallowed back emotion, her lips parting to reply, when another voice said, “Well, now, I see you have been taking very good care of my assistant.”

  Ice coated her veins. “Oh, no.” She gasped, attempting to pull the blankets over her head to hide.

  Kyler gripped the blanket and said with a stern voice, “No hiding, Ella.”

  Begrudgingly, she turned to Aidan and her stomach roiled. “Ugh, you’re really standing there.”

  Arms crossed, Aidan smiled. “Hello, Ella.”

  “Did you see …” Her cheeks flamed red-hot.

  “Seems like he watched our scene,” Kyler interjected with an amused, carefree voice. “And believe me, it was a good show.”

  She glanced from the smiling Kyler to the frowning Aidan, a few times over. Then she shook her head. “I’m half naked. We just … had sex … nope, it’s weird. I have no idea what to say in this horribly awkward moment.”

  It wasn’t that Aidan was her boss that made her ill; for the first time ever she realized that Aidan seemed like family. Because she equated this to knowing her brother had watched her have sex.

  Gag!

  She jumped to her feet, more than pleased Kyler had allowed it. While it crossed her mind that perhaps he wanted to talk with Aidan and didn’t mind her fast exit, she sure as shit didn’t care.

  Brushing past Aidan and seeing Cora watching her from another couch, Ella made a beeline for the exit.

  On her third step forward, Kyler called, “Ella.” She glanced over her shoulder, pulled by a power unable to refuse him. He added, “Wait for me upstairs so I can take you out of my ropes, then we’ll go to my place tonight.”

  The reminder that she wore only Kyler’s ropes dropped the floor out from under her. Orgasm. Screaming. Nipple clamps!

  Just kill me now.

  Rubbing his hands over his face, Kyler blew out a harsh breath. Finally, Ella had opened up about something. While he’d reli
shed that his confronting her didn’t blow up in his face, Aidan showing up was not how he wanted the night to end. He dropped his hands and scowled. “Nice way of handling that.”

  Aidan glared, even if his eyes held little heat. “Possibly, I didn’t deal with that well.” His voice firmed. “Do you care for her?”

  Kyler wasn’t a blind man, not with Ella. At first glance, he knew there was something special about her. The first time he touched her, he knew she was his. “Buddy, I’m in love with her.”

  Some of the tension eased from Aidan’s expression and his shoulders slumped. “You’re damn lucky you just said what you did.”

  Kyler snorted. “Big brother Aidan to the rescue.”

  “Well, she is like a little sister to me.”

  The care and compassion echoed in Aidan’s voice. Kyler rubbed his tired eyes, feeling a lot more strained than he ever had after a scene. He didn’t like it. “I know you care about her. Believe me, your advice has been stuck in my head since you left.”

  “Good,” Aidan retorted.

  Kyler understood why Aidan cared so deeply for Ella, since he was equally enamored. Rubbing the back of his neck, he felt sorry that Ella had to see Aidan this way, but there were other matters to discuss. “I’m glad you’re back.” He gestured to the couch. “Tell me why you warned me at the wedding about her?”

  Aidan dropped down onto the couch next to Kyler, crossing an ankle over his knee. “I don’t know what it is, exactly, but she’s always seemed … haunted, at times. Jumpy, at others.” Aidan’s gaze searched Kyler’s, and his frown deepened. “By the look on your face, I’m taking it you know the cause.”

  “I do.”

  Silence drifted between that spoke of Aidan wanting to know about Ella and Kyler’s refusal to speak of it. It wasn’t Kyler’s place to tell Aidan Ella’s past. That was Ella’s to share, if she wanted to.

  “I should tell you,” Aidan finally said, drawing Kyler’s attention. “When I went into the office before coming here, the security guard told me that a man approached Ella at work on Monday and she looked terrified.”

  Kyler inhaled slowly, feeling a possessive burn cut through him. He’d already learned from Ella that Rory had approached her, but she had downplayed it. She hadn’t told him how frightened she’d been.

  Fuck, I hate this!

  He craved—with desperation—to break through those damn walls of hers. He wanted her to finally let him into her soul so that, as her Dom, he could protect her heart. He understood why she avoided talking of Rory. She’d have trouble trusting anyone and allowing them to get too close. But, goddamn it, he wanted her to be his.

  All of it.

  Not pieces of it.

  The corners of Aidan’s eyes tightened. “Please tell me you know what that’s all about.”

  Kyler nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

  Aidan looked out to the dungeon as the soft instrumental music drifted along the musky air. “You’ll handle that, then?”

  If it wasn’t clear before how much Aidan cared for Ella, Kyler saw it now. Aidan’s tension all but rippled off him. “Yes, I’ll deal with it.”

  “Good,” Aidan replied, exhaling a long breath. “Leave what happened here tonight with me. Let me make it right with her.”

  Kyler didn’t argue and simply nodded. Aidan’s and Ella’s relationship was theirs. Whatever they had to work out to make her being in Club Sin good for both of them was between them. “I’ll calm her down tonight. Fix it tomorrow. All right?”

  Aidan inclined his head. “Now tell me, how are you doing with all this?” At Kyler’s blank look, Aidan laughed. “Seeing how gently you played with her tonight, I suspect it was because of what has happened to her?”

  “I’m cautious with her,” Kyler said.

  Aidan’s head cocked, brows rose. “Which is why I ask, how are you doing with all this?”

  Kyler rubbed the ache in the back of his neck, unable to hide from Aidan. He respected Aidan. They had been close, like brothers. He couldn’t lie to Aidan; his friend would see right through him. “It’s tense.”

  Placing a hand on his shoulder, Aidan smiled. “You’re doing right by her.”

  Not if you ask her.

  Christ, she tempted him. He yearned to take a flogger to her creamy skin, but how could he live with himself if he did? Of course, he knew the difference between BDSM and abuse, as he knew Ella did, but that didn’t seem to help any.

  He couldn’t see her scar and not think of what her husband had done.

  Ignoring his cravings—yearnings that he’d been allowing himself to indulge for years—was fucking with his head. How to give her what she needed? How to take what he craved? How to forget what Rory had done to her?

  “Good. You’re both here.”

  Kyler glanced up, finding Dmitri, and he blew out a breath of relief, pleased for the interruption. No need to ramp up the fact that he had no plan when it came to Ella. And he always had a fucking plan.

  He was a Dom—that just went with the territory.

  Dmitri took a seat across from them, resting his elbows on his knees. “I’ve run an idea by Sawyer and Myles but need both of you to approve as well. What would you think of Porter becoming a Club Sin Master?”

  Kyler didn’t hesitate. “I agree wholeheartedly.” They’d all known Porter from their old public club, Chains, and since Porter had become a member at Club Sin, he and Kyler had only become better friends.

  “Glad to hear it.” Dmitri nodded to Kyler, then looked to Aidan. “And you?”

  “I agree,” Aidan replied.

  Dmitri continued, “Both Myles and Sawyer feel the same.” Myles, another Club Sin Master, traveled for his job. He was the one Master who didn’t attend every weekend, but when he did, he made up for his absence with a fine show.

  After nodding a hello to a few Doms that strode by, Dmitri said, “Since Porter has only been here a month, I believe a test would be good to show the other members we take this seriously. To prove to all he’s as good as we think he is.”

  “Test him how?” Aidan asked with a curious brow.

  “Give him Kenzie.” Dmitri’s grin was about as smart-ass as Kyler had even seen from him. “If he can maintain patience with that sub, then he’ll prove himself to us and the members.”

  “You’re an evil bastard.” Kyler laughed.

  Kenzie was a brat. In fact, the brattiest sub Kyler had ever known. That was why he’d never played with her directly. He’d helped out Sawyer and Myles, who enjoyed Kenzie in a scene, but she never interested him. He liked submissives with a sweeter side.

  Like Ella.

  “Speak of the devil,” Aidan muttered.

  Porter sidled up to the couch and smirked. “I’ve been called worse things.”

  Dmitri gestured to the seat next to him, and once Porter sat, Dmitri raised a hand to his shoulder. “We’d like to give you a permanent home, Porter. You ready to get inked?”

  Porter’s brows rose. “Club Sin Master?”

  “About damn time.” Aidan smiled.

  Kyler agreed with a nod. Not only did Kyler think highly of Porter, but of course he knew that Aidan would agree. As Cora’s ex-Dom, Porter had a helping hand in Aidan’s current marriage. That was what tied them together as friends, Kyler thought.

  Dmitri said, “There are conditions, however.”

  “Conditions?” Porter frowned.

  “Since you’ve only been here a short time, and since most of the members don’t know you, how about you take on Kenzie for a set period? If you can keep your patience with her, you can handle any situation. I don’t doubt the members will see that.”

  Porter snorted, glancing to the sub in question, who sat with Cora on the other side of the dungeon. “You are fucking kidding me, right?”

  “Ah, come on,” Kyler mused. “Like you haven’t been getting a hard-on every time you see her.”

  Porter shook his head, his brows furrowed. “Yes, but playing with her in my head and i
n reality are two entirely different things.”

  Kyler respected that Porter didn’t avoid the truth. He was solid. And Kyler happened to think Porter might be the perfect Dom for Kenzie. How could she outsmart or play a Dom who saw the world without blinders, and who happened to be as stubborn as she was?

  Dmitri smiled. “A good challenge for you.”

  Porter regarded Kenzie and grumbled, “A problem that I could live without.”

  That was the truth—most Doms didn’t enjoy bratty behavior. The only reason Sawyer and Myles played with Kenzie was because she allowed them to play a little rougher with her. Some Doms enjoyed intensity. Both of them did. And Kenzie got off on being manhandled.

  “One month with her won’t kill you,” Dmitri said softly. “That’s the offer.”

  Porter looked at Kenzie for a minute longer, then turned to Dmitri with raised brows. “Have you talked to Kenzie about this?”

  “I have, and she agreed.” Dmitri grinned.

  “Of course she did, the little brat.” Porter’s jaw clenched. “I’m sure she’s already thinking up all the ways to be a complete pain in my ass.”

  Dmitri barked a laugh, smacking Porter on the back. “I imagine she is. So, you in?

  Porter nodded. “Only one month.”

  Aidan chuckled, rubbing his hands together. “Fuck, this is going to be one helluva show.”

  Porter scoffed to Aidan, then said to Kyler, “I’ve got some information for you. Can we talk?”

  Kyler looked to Dmitri and Aidan. “Mind leaving us?”

  Dmitri smacked Porter on the back again and then followed Aidan over to Kenzie and Cora. Kyler assumed to tell Kenzie that Porter was in agreement with the plan. And Kyler agreed with Aidan, paring those two, one of the most stubborn Doms with the brattiest submissive, would be a good show for all.

  Kyler turned to Porter, his muscles tensing. “What did you find out about Rory?”

  Porter shrugged, dragging a hand through his hair. “Found out that he flew into Vegas a few days ago.”

  “Yes, I know that.” Kyler waved him on. “What else?”